Rambles

He and I were talking. He knows his choice has made me miserable, he wants me to be happy. I know I’m making him miserable and I want him to be happy. Unfortunately, what makes me happy is her leaving. And what makes him happy is having us both. 

There really isn’t much compromise. We only have so many options right now.

1. I leave.
2. She leaves.
3. He leaves us.
4. We all go our separate ways.
5. We make it work.

No, he won’t chose between us. It’s either both or neither.

3 and 4 are incredibly unlikely. No they aren’t the same. 3 he leaves, and she and I work together to make it work. 4 we all disperse separately.

Then there’s 5. I don’t want it. But apparently I’m the only one who hates that plan.

Anyone still reading this may ask me why I chose to stay with him. Up until a week ago I was asking myself that question everyday..

I know poly relationships have a lot of good in them, and are positive. But honestly I am so deep in the negative pool, I can’t see any good any where in the world, let alone my own life.

The more I drown in negative, the more negative my life becomes. 

Poly relationships can seriously tear at your soul if you let it. It feeds off of any negativity and insecurity you had before..

But if you let them, they can be tremendosly helpful. Happy. Full of love.

I just can’t get over the woman he chose. 

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